Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
