There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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