Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
