i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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