I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
