No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
