I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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