AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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