Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
