Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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