If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
