I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
