She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had to cum in my sink.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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