You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
