Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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