i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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