I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
