The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
