he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
