You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
