Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
