You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
