Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
