we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
