just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
