I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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