ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
