Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
