mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
