he thought i was a dude.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
