I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
