You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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