im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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