i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
