why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
