I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
