My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This house was built for laser tag.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
