My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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