i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
