I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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