M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
