I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
