Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
