So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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