Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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