The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
