My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
