nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
