Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
