haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
