Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
