his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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