I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
